I’m sorry, I’m so sorry 2012

I’m sorry, I’m so sorry 2012

Editorials

Posted on Wednesday, January 16th, 2013 at 8:18 AM by

Ok last one of these I swear. Also this time I will reveal my Game of the Year 2012! Just in time too as games will probably start coming out again soon so there will be stuff to write about and I’ve almost finished off my holiday reserves of Egg Nog.

Most Self-Aware Game: Lollipop Chainsaw
While other games attempt to be serious and fail horribly because the nature of video games won’t allow for tension, drama and catharsis, the good people at Grasshopper throw it all to the wind and release Lollipop Chainsaw. Like all Grasshopper games the gameplay itself is clunky and sometimes annoying to use but it makes up for that everywhere else. Finally the legendary pop song “Hey Mickey!” is reborn as the invincibility music and for the first time in years hearing it triggers good feelings instead of white hot rage. I wonder if the same thing could be done to “I want you to want me” if it were applied to the right moment in a video game. Probably not, I hate that song and all that it stands for. I know zombies are getting boring from over exposure but I had a pretty good time with this game as it never takes itself seriously. It even has an Ash from Evil Dead skin available which pretty much symbolizes the feeling they were going for. The banter between main character Juliet and severed head boyfriend Nick are actually pretty funny as are the one-liners spouted off by the rescued survivors, one noting that after being saved he will be going home to masturbate to Juliet. Laughing at such a joke probably won’t win me a whole lot of points with people but its pretty standard affair for Grasshopper games so if you don’t understand you aren’t the target audience.

This game understands me.

This game understands me.

Better than Skyward Sword Award: Nintendo Land
Why Nintendo. Why does Nintendo Land have better controls than Skyward Sword? You know, back when the Wii was first announced and they said that we could now have sword fighting games people scoffed and said that the only thing we would get was swinging the wiimote would do one of X number of pre-animated swings. Tragically those bastards were right and that’s exactly what we got in Skyward Sword and that’s exactly why I hate Skyward Sword among other reasons. Oh sure Skyward would follow the way you held the wiimote so link would be running around holding his sword straight out in front of him like he was some kind of mental patient out to impale some people but man oh man was I unable to comfortably and accurately play that game. That is until Nintendo Land came along and finally I got the Link sword action I’ve been waiting for. The rest of Nintendo Land is ok and sort of worth it considering it comes with the WiiU, which is the only console name dumber than Wii.

The “Oh god yes its back now that technology has improved” Award: Planetside 2
I played Planetside 1 back in the day on my crappy internet and even crappier computer. My in-game military history is so stained with gross incompetence, sabotage, suicide crashes, and aeronautical inability that I should have been court marshaled. It was an ambitious game, trying to have a massive multiplayer fps war was a bold try. But my computer couldn’t take it and I eventually stopped and waited for the day when someone would try the idea again. And they did, GLORIOUSLY! Years later my FPS skills have barely improved but my income sure has and I actually have a computer that can run it. Planetside 2 is a joy and almost exactly what I wanted. But, like I said, I still really suck at it. But they’ve done a lot of things right so I’ll try to improve. They’ve made it free to play, the graphics look nice, and the store bought items aren’t pay-to-win overpowered weapons. Only thing is it’s an ambitious game that I don’t quite know how to play it. Sometimes it takes a bit to find some worthwhile action as I’ll end up dropping into a zone where we are getting stormed by an enemy army, or there are SO MANY players in an area it gets a bit laggy. Still, I recommend it to anyone who likes shooters.

BOY IT JUST WOULDN'T BE ENGLAND WITHOUT A ROYAL GUARD AND A CRICKET BAT!

BOY IT JUST WOULDN’T BE ENGLAND WITHOUT A ROYAL GUARD AND A CRICKET BAT!

Best WiiU Launch title: ZombiU
ZombiU has gotten some crap. It’s a hard survivalist game on a new control scheme that nobody is really good at yet as either a player or a developer. However it has an enjoyable unforgiving style that I really enjoy. And it’s a third party game on a Nintendo console that actually utilizes the gimmick! This game does horror well by making you realistically weak and surviving a real challenge that requiring all your concentration. There are no pauses, everything is done in real time and you can absolutely be killed while looking at your inventory or trying to open a combination lock. If you coughed up money for the WiiU then cough up a bit more for ZombiU.

I had to do a lot of research on this to make sure that it wasn't some Tim And Eric joke.

I had to do a lot of research on this to make sure that it wasn’t some Tim And Eric joke.

Game of the Year!: Hatoful Boyfriend
From Wikipedia:
“Hatoful Boyfriend is a dating sim created by Hato Moa that features pigeons as characters rather than the more common human characters. The player character is a human girl who is attending St. PigeoNation’s Institute, and is the only human at the institute. As each of the pursuable male pigeons are introduced throughout the game, they are shown with an anime version of what they would look like as a human, though this is only shown for the first meeting.”
Not only was this game made but it was legally released in America back in February and was promptly belovedly mocked by a few dozen places at the time. So I figured why not steal the joke from Make Fahey and award this game GOTY. Replacing the usual cookie-cutter casts of Japanese Visual Novels with stock picture of pigeons almost makes this game some kind of Dadaist work of art, a design decision so baffling I’m awarding it GOTY on that alone.
That’s my time everyone next week I’ll have something substantial!

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ZombiU looks like a great game to me. Feels like really scary.

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