Posted on Friday, August 16th, 2013 at 5:00 PM by Oliver Smith
Tired of the suburban monotony? Chasing a more exotic home-life? Well let it never be said that us folks at Zero1Gaming aren’t the helpful type. So forget Kirstie and Phil, because if you’re looking to acquire some property in the PlayStation universe, you’ve come to the right place. A more exhilarating lifestyle is an admirable desire, but our virtual property experts are here to ensure you don’t spend your hard-earned credits on a place in an undesirable location. So get your blood-money ready folks, here’s a list of Playstation’s most notable residential areas:
1. Hell (as seen in Dante’s Inferno)
It’s a well-known fact that one of the key incentives for emigration is a more desirable climate. The heat is something that drives the shifting masses in the dozens and so Lucifer’s inferno might seem like a smart option. With temperatures soaring around the 100,000 degree mark all year round, you can expect to top-up that tan all the way from golden-bronze to scolding flesh.
For those on a limited budget, this particular area holds small promise, as property in Hell is remarkably cheap. In fact, almost all the property that we’ve uncovered thus far is selling for as little as one soul. Bargain!
On the down side, the local commuter belt (otherwise known as the river Styx) has been known to be a tad noisy, due to the screaming sorrow of the eternally damned. But if you can look beyond this, the inescapable vortex of surrounding torture and the odd case of dry rot, then maybe Hell is the place for you.
2. Mt. Olympus (as seen in God of War III)
With legions of golden gates and ivory buildings, Mt. Olympus is the area of choice for today’s affluent professional. Possessing one of the best neighbourhood watch’s ever crafted, you can sleep in peace knowing that fellow residents Hermes and Helios have your best intentions at heart.
Chequebooks at the ready however, as all that gold doesn’t come cheap. Mt. Olympus is not for first time buyers, with property soaring in price over the last few millennia.
An area that has instant curb appeal is a rare find, but rest assured that this is it. Mt. Olympus is the kind of classical, decadent lodging that dreams/prayers are made of. Unfortunately, there has been a slight rise in crime over the last few weeks, notably that of a violent nature; with several of Mt. Olympus’ residents mysteriously going missing in connection with a resident’s disgruntled son. One to watch.
3. Vice City (as seen in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)
Whether you’re taking cocaine, buying cocaine or distributing cocaine; Vice City has got it all. With great infrastructure and properties ranging in price, this hustling utopia is a great choice for anyone hoping to get involved with the drug trade.
Scarface’s ultimate des res; Vice City is oceans of fun with its beautiful beachfronts, great shopping districts and endless criminal opportunities. On a practical note, never again will you have to limit your levels of grand theft auto, as all of Vice City’s properties come with a double garage, meaning more space for stolen cars!
Not only this, but with a limited level of legitimate individuals in the city and planning permission easily attainable, there is plenty of room for aggressive expansion. Meaning that as soon as you’ve sorted the asbestos issues that all of the housing suffers with; you can have your criminal empire off the ground and running in no time!
4. Rook Islands (as seen in Far Cry 3)
Many property experts reiterate the importance of location; that it’s smart to have the worst house on the best street. With this in mind, welcome to the inescapable, tropical allure of Rook Islands, home of incredible wildlife, breath-taking scenery and alternative housing solutions (shanties).
Here you’ll find all manner of escapist fantasies awaiting you upon your doorstep, including quad-bike racing, gunplay and picturesque beaches. If that wasn’t enough, then why not take yourself down to the black market where you’ll find local treats such as endangered animal’s faces and drugs of questionable origin.
A poor catchment area and limited working opportunities mean that Rook Islands isn’t the best-suited choice for the working professional. But as a potential retirement home, this paradise in the sun ticks all the boxes.
Disclaimer: Island is full of crazed pirates and viscous wildlife.
5. Rapture (as seen in Bioshock)
A marvel in modern scientific discovery, this logic-defying city sits 30,000 leagues below the sea and could be all yours as a future project. This aquatic wonderland will have you gazing in awe for many an hour, with views of the ocean floor and an appealing retro décor.
Admittedly the property does need some redevelopment due to a few locations suffering damp issues, but Rapture’s unique location offers huge potential for a profitable resale.
The property has been on the market for some time now as a result of limited interest, largely due to the drug-addled, super-powered murderers who wander the property. This being an issue that would presumably have to be amended before any chance of renovation or resale. But an initial cash injection to a property such as this may well be worth the death-defying refurbishment process, just be sure to bring scuba-gear for the garden work.